As I write this it is only 5:40 PM on March 16th, 2020. Bed time is still an hour and twenty minutes away. I feel like I am losing my mind!!!
It has seriously been a long day. When I woke up this morning I never expected to have to immediately hold my nose upon entering Leelands room. During the night he had removed his diaper. After doing so, completely shat himself and was covered in it. Of course, this all happened after everyone was in bed and I had to give a 40 minute long bath to my 7 year old.
You know how people complain all the time that their kid pooped in the bath tub and they had to clean it out and rerun water. This is a two or three time a week problem at my house.
Both of the boys still wear diapers. Leeland is afraid of the potty and Matthew just thinks it’s funny when I change him plus he is also afraid to sit on the potty. The funny part I can normally get over pretty quick. The afraid of the potty is something that we are very, very slowly working on.
The first two weeks we were moved in, Leeland and Matthew both did so well. He didn’t even take off his jammies. Now almost a month since moving in I am right back to the problem I was having before. Constant bed wetting, pooping and dirty diapers.
It is so hard for me. Being on my own taking care of everything truly on my own but I have come to realize something. If I don’t do it no one else will.
So I bought some small poster boards, a few mechanical pencils, and a ruler. I sat for an hour and made the perfect for me chore chart. I added all of my chores, starting in Leelands room and going room by room until you reach my room at the other end of the house.
I painstakingly planned how long it should take me every night to do the main parts of the house and my room. The boys rooms would be done every night before bed. If I keep up with it then it should be easy peasy. Yeah, No! The chore chart is up on my wall. There are dirty dishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be done, carpet that needs to be vacuumed. Trash in all the trash cans that need to go out and a litter box that needs cleaned. All of which will be done tonight before i go to bed but do I really want to do it? No. Do I have to do it? Yes.
In my almost 30 years of life, a lot of things have been done for me. Hell, if I could hire someone to come do my cleaning I would but that will never happen. My mom taught me how to do everything to run a household. Laundry, Dishes, and how to cook but in the end of the day she still did everything. My mom and dad went to work every day but my mom still came home and did absolutely everything else. Dinner, laundry, dishes, helping with homework. Then dealt with us kids when we had a bad attitude. When my brother and I would butt heads and the constant fist fights between all three of us. It wasn’t until one day when I moved out on my own that I realized how much my Mommy actually did.
Then to top everything off, I was given to of the most special boys to take care of. Two boys that, at least one of which, would never be able to truly take care of themselves. To be honest, I don’t mind that part. Taking care of my kids. The only things that matter the most to me in the entire world. What has bothered me though is that sometimes I just don’t do it. I make excuses or I get into a bad mood and just say F it.
I clean up pee and poop more than a CNA. Well, probably not but it feels like it most days. If there is any bright side to all of this, it’s that my children can poop and pee on their own even if they can’t or won’t potty train. The amazing amount of sanitizer and bleach I go through is absolutely amazing but keeping my children safe and clean is a priority.
The constant cleaning I do, even before all of this Corona Virus, to make sure everything stayed clean would amaze the average person. Some days if there is some crumbs on the floor, trash that needs to go out, or dishes to be done, I will let it go until the next day. I guess that today will probably going to be one of those days. After doing laundry, cleaning out Leelands bed, cleaning Matt’s bedroom, I am ready to just chill.
I know I made a post about this already. That is hasn’t been that long but my back hurts, I’m trying to write a list of groceries that have to last me the entire month, and I haven’t had a full shower in two days. It has been one hell of a weekend. I am hoping that soon, this blog will be more happy and outgoing and being more spirited about everything. Today is not that day but hopefully soon. I hope everyone has an amazing night. I am going to go take a shower and maybe soak in the tub for a while.
Live, Love, Autism.
Jenn.
The Life of an Autism Mom 